Diary Of A Rebel

Hermit Mode

2010-09-27T12:00:00.001-07:00

I felt really driven this morning, hermit mode in my room.

Eva and I were at Computing till 7pm last night. It was crazy shit, but i have no idea how i managed to feel so energized when i woke up at 12pm.

And then when the time came this evening for the test, i found it surprisingly fine.

Unfortunately, after a rewarding nap, my "life to the fullest" feeling just died. And i am stoned again.

Psyched

2010-09-25T11:54:00.000-07:00

I spent the day struggling over myself once again.

I was at the void deck mugging today.

It was fun, and it was dreary, all at the same time.

Odds and Ends

2010-09-24T11:38:00.000-07:00

This morning we headed down to the shops to have a look at mountaineering gear.

First, we visited Allsports Equipment in Ubi, which specializes in Petzl equipment. Following up, we went to Chinatown to check out Adventure 21, which sold a large collection of gear, but with a good focus on Mammut gear.

The cost of such equipment is apparently expensive, but a closer look at the potential prices had sent me reeling. It made me reconsider how much i've been spending, and ways in which i could earn some fresh cash soon. Obviously, sacrifices are beyond choice.

Later, it was back to studying at McDonalds' at Kovan, with Wei Ting. I've never been so committed to study in my life.

I think somehow along the way, we found that we had lost a special connection with each other. Or maybe it was because we just didn't communicate very well in the first place, and then we are so different. I'm glad i'm still sitting it out and waiting, instead of rushing into blind, foolish commitment. I can see clearly now.

Recess

2010-09-23T12:46:00.000-07:00

A memory is very much like a fluttering butterfly. It comes to you and lights up your life in at instant, and then it disappears forever.

I've been fighting a lot to make more of my time, because i realize i don't have a lot of it. And sleep is an eternal, corporeal appetite of the flesh. The body is a prison, we struggle in vain. And then we wake up to regret.

Recess week hasn't been productive at all for me. I've been struggling to regain my momentum right after a slow start and the overseas trip, and Psychology midterms are on Monday so its basically a mad rush into shit.

But, i did some good homework for Mountaineering gear today and am proud of it. Did the beep test today, and managed to get 9-10 for the last set though i'm confident of squeezing a few more levels out of it. Positive note. Training was sweaty and fair, and it does in some sense feel good to physically push, and maybe get fitter, feel better.

Also, it's a bit of a relief that i can still try to hang out with the people in B Block. I know i haven't exactly been the most genial of people, nor have i made much of an effort to get to know them more, but seeing some of them being so sincere and summery warm does thaw an icy heart a fair bit. Understatedly, i did enjoy tonight's mooncake festival thingy.

I'm just taking the days as they come, a step at a time.

Nexus 2010

2010-09-21T12:07:00.000-07:00

Nexus.

The camp itself felt like a challenging new experience, and perhaps slightly daunting even. Having the idea of meeting new strangers whom we would soon spend a few days out it the wild, putting aside the fact that they were the leaders of Sports Club's future, made it seem like a slightly stressful experience.

But it i definitely one that i would never regret. The number of participants were small, and after the camp it was even possible to know every one of them if you were motivated enough. And the friends and connections made in the camp were very satisfying. A longer camp might have pushed the friendship bonds further and stronger.

It was evening when we met. After having some small icebreaker games in the hall, led by Runi, we took a bus to Gopeng, Ipoh. Supper was at a cluster of street stalls. The bus reached the breakfast stop in the early morning, and after a long one hour break we took a quick drive to the campsite.

Standing on the lorry dodging the branches and trees was a fine experience. It would soon be the start of an adventure-filled and fun time with Nexus. We stayed in built tents. After some interesting games of rope and puzzle, I began to see the leadership qualities of my group mates emerge.

Later in the day we went for caving, followed by, lunch and then leadership discussion.

The next day, we made our way to the white water rafting area. Thereafter, we tried the high elements course. It was fun.

At night we had an indoor "campfire" with a discussion on leadership.

The next day, it was off to KL for a bit of R&R. Finally, it was time to go.

Leadership was a central theme in the camp, and it definitely motivated me to bring back a stronger leadership frame back to NUS.

Diary Of A Rebel

2010-07-26T05:16:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since i've written anything meaningful, and the brutal truth of this absence in writing is that which can be observed from the painful insipidness of my mental faculties. I have clearly begun to feel and realize the slowing down of my thought processes; where i previously held a sharp razor edge of thought, i now feel as though i am swinging a rusty iron bar through a heavy and lethargic mind frame.

Perhaps this could be observed in the light of a kind of self-experimentation, in that one can clearly observe how important continuous simulation of the mind on useful thoughts provides the nutrition for a healthy mind. I hope that learning to write well will also teach me how to speak better, and to proceed on in this world with the power of an erudite spirit and mind.

A new chapter of my life is about to begin, and no less than a university education. I've begun to blog again, because i never want to lose the ability to write well, and also, perhas more importantly, to remember the ideas and emotions of a life afresh.

I'd put all my most personal thoughts and reflections here, together with all my memories and dreams, hoping that somehow, through it all, i'd discover what freedom really means.